Venezuelans Tired of Being Targeted for Crypto Giveaways

In an effort to work harder on our global diversity program here at Coin Jazeera we decided to travel to Venezuela, a made up land thats been used in every crypto example ever. Our reporters were shocked to learn that Venezuela is actually real.

After checking into our five star hotel we were pleased to be met by President Maduro who had prepared us a delicious Surf & Turf feast prepared by Saltbae, a blind prisoner famous for sprinkling salt on meat, and our manslave Manuel.

“The hyperinflation makes the steak taste better.”

President Maduro

After a desert of cigars and fine desert port we waited for complete digestion then needed to use the restroom. We were pleasantly surprised to see that they used Bolivars for toilet paper; at least they were getting put to good use.

With full stomachs and happy hearts we set out into the streets to see what the local savages thought of Crypto. Our reporters set up a booth prepared with $10 (which is like a hundred million bucks there) of Petro Coin prepared to liberate the locals from their oppressive regime.

“Stop trying to oppress us.” Our first rescue exclaimed. When we tried to tell him that using the Petro was as simple as installing a wallet on his iPhone 1 he was not too pleased.

“My dad has not eaten for five days. My little brother’s belly is bloated from malnutrition and I have to walk 15 miles to the nearest watering hole. Please stop trying to force these scams down my throat. I seriously don’t have time for this man.”

When we told him there was a token for that he walked away.

Our following interviews were quickly disrupted by the sounds of gunshots in the distance. Executives from Ripple were there with a similar idea and they were upset we were encroaching on their turf.

This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only.