ETH 2.0 Launches, Nobody Cares. 
Vitalik Scraps Ethereum 2.0 to Audit Supply of Ethereum, “Biggest Challenge Yet” 
White Founder Vitalik Buterin Steps Down from Ethereum Foundation, Replaced by Black CEO 
Hopeful Crypto Investor Devastated After Halvening Halves Bitcoin’s Price 
New Court Documents Reveal Craig Wright ACTUALLY IS Satoshi Nakamoto Vlad Zamfir Looking for New Drugs to Help with Sharding Ideas
The machine elves made me do it. Vlad Zamfir Notoriously stoned, recently outcasted from the…
Dan Larimer Receives Guinness World Record for Most Crypto Exit Scams
Serial swindler, Dan Larimer, who conned his way into becoming a Blockchain Billionaire, was awarded…
Venezuelans Tired of Being Targeted for Crypto Giveaways
In an effort to work harder on our global diversity program here at Coin Jazeera…
Justin Sun’s Tesla Giveaway Accidentally Goes The Way It Was Supposed To
Unapologetic shitcoiner Justin Sun is face-palming all the way to the dealership after Sunday’s automotive…
SEC Swears Its Here to Help
“Everyone is afraid of us. I don’t get it.” said SEC director Stern Oldman. “We’re…
Vinny Lingham Lost After “Mean Boys” Refuse to Share Original Thoughts any Longer
Bitcoin Oracle Vinny Lingham now finds himself in a bit of a troubling situation after…
Novogratz meets with Roger Ver. Must Be “Up to Good”
TOKYO (Moonberg) – Resident Bubble God and Brazzer’s enthusiast Mike Novogratz was seen recently posing…