Elon can get us up there. The cocaine will take care of the rest.John McAfee
Presidential Candidate, Cybersecurity expert, and poop hammock aficionado John McAfee announced today on Twitter that he will be joining the space race. Mr. McAfee stated his ambitions clearly when he set up a GoFundMe seeking $275 million to fund the development of a permanent lunar colony on the Moon using building materials comprised entirely of high quality cocaine. Today, McAfee reached his fundraising goal stating “This is the natural progression of my journey.” upon fundraiser completion.
When asked about the motivation behind this pursuit, McAfee stated that he is currently on the run from the IRS and living outside the United States. “Good God people, think about it. We need freedom and liberty. We need to take it with our own two hands and fight the oppressors that are keeping us down. This is about so much more and nothing at all. It is about everything. This is our one chance to take our lives back. You know the United States and Liberia are the only two countries that have a Grand Jury? These Verge tokens represent individual sovereign- wait what was the question again?”
We reminded Mr. McAfee that we wanted to know his motivation for colonization of the moon.
“Oh. Theres no taxes on the moon, but there will be a ton of cocaine.”
He continued, “I intend to establish a permanent colony on the moon populated primarily by myself and as many Belizean prostitutes as Elon Musk can jam into a lunar rocket.”
Should he achieve his ambitions, he will establish natural dominion over the lunar surface. “If I can’t be President of the United States I sure as hell will be President of the Moon. This should serve as a lesson to all children out there that they too can start a shitty antivirus, cash out, go on a permanent lifetime vacation, live with a harem of Belizean sex workers, invest in hammock manufacturers, fuck space whales, and grow up to be President someday.”
Pressed on the logistical details, McAfee told Coin Jazeera that “Elon can get us up there, and the cocaine will take care of the rest. The increased labor efficiencies of working without sleep should allow us to setup our critical infrastructure in about two days.”
Asked if he would still honor his long-standing bet to consume his own penis should Bitcoin not reach $1 million by 2020 McAfee smiled and said “I won’t have to. It is mathematically impossible to lose. I always win my bets. Just look at the math people. On the off chance I do lose, we will make history with the first ever intergalactic broadcast of my penis from the Moon. I consider that a win.”
McAfee stated that the mission would be ready for launch in approximately four months. “We aren’t doing any pussy trial runs, this is a real man’s lunar mission.”
This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only. (although with McAfee we’re not sure.)