Dan Larimer Receives Guinness World Record for Most Crypto Exit Scams

Serial swindler, Dan Larimer, who conned his way into becoming a Blockchain Billionaire, was awarded the Guinness World Record on Thursday for most crypto exit scams. Larimer, who is best known for his role in creating popular hit scams such as Bitshares, Steem, and EOS received the award after brilliantly exit scamming EOS in October and announcing plans for creating his fourth new shitcoin.

The genius behind Larimer’s work is his finesse. He tells everyone he’s not quitting and then…he quits!”

Brendan Blumer (CEO Block.One)

Although Larimer still claims to be the CTO of Block.One, our reporters checked Github only to realize he hasn’t made a single commit to EOS since October.

When asked about his new project, Dan told Coin Jazeera:

“The muse behind my art is greed. With EOS I was able to raise $4 Billion Dollars by liberating a bunch of suckers, I mean investors, that missed out on the Ethereum ICO. I consider it to be my finest work to date. For the next one I think I can raise $8 billion. It will be my masterpiece. My magnum opus. I have this brilliant idea to tell people I can create a better Bitcoin. People believed me three times already. Why not four?”

We caught up with Kyle Samani of notorious hedge fund Multicoin Capital, and asked how it feels to have thrown away his reputation and disgraced himself in the industry by shilling Larimer’s latest work.

“Being a Crypto fund manager is hard. Like really hard. My job is to hedge into Ethereum competitors but everything else honestly sucks. If we keep our LPs money in ETH they say we’re not doing enough. If we move into shitcoins they say why didn’t we stay in ETH. It’s tough. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I try hard to act like I do. My job is literally to beg for money for a living. It sucks. I wish I just invested in Ethereum in 2014 so I wouldn’t have to do this shit. At least Dan has the best scams, err- art, and tells us about them beforehand. In that regard he deserves the Guinness.”

People believed me three times already. Why not four?

Dan Larimer (We don’t even know anymore)

Upon receiving his award, Dan said, “This is an honor. I’d like to thank my parents for teaching me these values. I also want to thank my mentor Brock Pierce for helping me exit scam everyone from Burning Man to LA. Without them, none of this would be possible. It took years of practice to get this far. I started with chain emails and moved my way up to Herbalife. When I came across crypto, I knew this was my moment. My only wish is that Elon gets us to space soon so I can scam the aliens.”

Dan Larimer is 36 years old.

This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only.