What would you do for the greater good?
Earlier today, Binance CEO, and wielder of the Lightning Gauntlet, CZ, made the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good of Crypto. Altcoins had been growing at an alarming rate with complete disregard for public opinion and perception of the space. CZ knew that if left unchecked, these Altcoins would spread like a cancer and end up consuming their host: Bitcoin.
To combat this Mr. CZ did the unthinkable. After collecting the Infinity Coins, the fabled five coins that actually matter in Crypto, he now had the power to do what needed to be done.
“These altcoins,” he said staring off into the distance, “They are a cancer. A plague. The worst of them being Bitcoin SV. An awful, evil abomination that continued to live far beyond its time. It was forged from the same genesis block as Bitcoin but it was cursed with darkness. The scourge of this community. I needed to do what nobody else had the courage to do. I needed to cleanse this space.”
At 7:00 AM, PST, CZ used the Lightning Gauntlet to snap his fingers and instantly turn half of the altcoins and bad actors in the space into dust.
Our Coin Jazeera reporter who didn’t disintegrate caught up with the harbinger of ultimate power.
“It was very difficult collecting the Infinity Coins: BTC, ETH, MKR, XMR, and BNB. Bitcoin and Ethereum were straightforward but obtaining Monero proved more of a challenge because it’s untraceable on the blockchain,” The brooding CEO professed. His expression became solemn and his eyes watered, “To reveal the final Infinity Coin, Binance Coin, I had to sacrifice my adopted son and the only person I love, Justin Sun. I know he’s now driving a Tesla in heaven and playing dice games. I’m sure he understands.”
With the mass delisting, Bitcoin SV and its false idol Craig Wright were turned into a fine powder that whisked away in the wind. Amongst the others lost were the coins: ICN, MOD, SALT, CTR, SUB and WINGS. Bad actors Dan Larimer, Ian Balina, Jihan Wu, Arthur Hayes, Roger Ver, Calvin Ayre, and Spider-Man were also amongst the purge. We were pleased to learn that John McAfee survived so he still has to eat his dick if Bitcoin doesn’t reach $1m by 2020.
Mr. CZ looked off in the distance, done with our interview.
“I know they will come for me. One day. The scammers. And when that day comes…I will be ready,” He said as he clutched a Nano Ledger hardware wallet containing the shitcoins that were banished to the other realm dramatically in his fist.
This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only.