Coin Jazeera Press Release: (5/12/19)
Coin Jazeera is proud to announce our big New York Blockchain Week reveal!
With the help of our friends at The Block, we will be introducing Coin Jazeera’s exciting new program: Coin Jazeera EXODUS, a $120k/year paywall meant to protect you from seeing all of our great content.
We chose to model our business after The Block’s GENESIS program, a crowdfunded beg-your-friends-for-money model that we deemed to be perfect for what we’re trying to accomplish.
“We called our program EXODUS because we anticipate losing all of our customers.” said Coin Jazeera CEO. “I met Mike Dudas in rehab and we really hit it off. He told me that he was having very little success with asking his friends for money, and in that moment I knew he was our guy.”
CoinDesk CEO, Kevin Worth, was confused by our strategy: “Their model makes no sense. I don’t get it. Who is going to pay $120,000 a year for information they can find for free online. If you go behind a paywall people will lose interest in your site. I’m so confused, it’s so stupid. Why don’t they just charge companies for articles like we do?”
Unfortunately in the wake of our launch, Coin Jazeera had to deal with an extortion attempt after our leaked financials were stolen by one of our CEO’s Seeking Arrangement Sugar Babies after he left them unattended on his dresser. “I can’t believe she did this, I thought I was providing her quality mentorship,” said our CEO in response to the leak. We were consulted by Mike Dudas and told that this may actually work in our favor, so we decided to be proactive and release the financials here before she can sell them to inferior news sources such as Cointelegraph.
Coin Jazeera Exodus consists of exclusive insider information that you can find easily online provided by top-tier Crypto companies including Pantera Capital, Coinbase Custody, BitMEX Research, Gemini, and everyone else who’s better than you. I only wish I could afford to read it.”Ex-Bitmain CEO Jihan Wu
Coin Jazeera is looking forward to a bright future and providing you with none of the high quality content that made us great to begin with, unless you pay $120,000 upfront today!
This article is satire and for entertainment purposes only.